Hogwarts School of Evolution
by An Aroused Koala
Summary: Do you want your little ones to read books; and they want to read the Harry Potter Books; but you do not want them to turn into fundamentalist right-wing Christians? Well-this is the story for you! This story has all the adventure of JKR's books; but will not lead your children astray. For concerned mommies everywhere! Live long and prosper! An Aroused Koala
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 _Author's note: Hello. I am an educated human being. I am not new to this fan fiction thing but I believe that it is the answer to a problem I have encountered. I read a fanfic called Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles. It is my opinion that this is a troll fic (if you don't believe me then read all the way until the final chapter.). However, it is still possible that it is not a parody. I decided to share this with all the other people who have read the aforementioned work. So-Ta da! Here it is! I am SO excited to share this with all of you! Without further ado-_

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Harry Potter who lived under the stairs in a house on Privet Drive with his aunt and uncle. Harry was an obedient boy who did his chores, but sometimes he felt that he didn't quite fit in in his household. You see, Harry's Aunt Petunia and his Uncle Vernon were Christians. The only book Harry was allowed to read was the Bible and every Sunday they would take Harry to church and force him to pray to God. Harry didn't mind too much, although he had heard of evolution at school and wanted to learn more about it but he was too scared to ask the Dursleys. They would think such matters unholy. Just as he was thinking about his situation, he heard a knock on the door.

"Answer the door Harry." Aunt Petunia barked. Petunia was a thin woman with curly blonde hair who wore lots of make up because she believed in looking good for her husband. She never did anything without his permission. Uncle Vernon was a large man who was watching the bread baking in the oven for them to eat with their wine. He wore a large cross around his neck.

Harry was an obedient boy so he answered the door by turning the brass doorknob and pulling open the heavy door.

On the porch was a huge muscular man with a large beard and wearing a heavy coat. He was the kind of person that Petunia would dislike. However, Harry harbored no such prejudices and had no opinion of the man just yet. He smiled kindly at Harry.

"You must be Harry Potter," he said in a gravelly voice. "My name is Hagrid. May I speak to your mother and father?" he continued.

"I don't have a mother and father," said Harry forlornly. He thought of how sometimes he missed his parents, but decided that in the end all he could do was make the most of his own life.

"I am sorry to hear that," said Hagrid sympathetically.

"You can speak to my Aunt and Uncle," suggested Harry enthusiastically. He was most interested in what Hagrid was going to say.

"What do you want?" asked Aunt Petunia suspiciously, narrowing her eyes and peering out of the doorway. She was wearing an apron over her dress because she had been cooking in the kitchen, an occupation she believed to be perfectly suited to women.

"Hello. I have come to offer your nephew here a scholarship for a school," replied Hagrid, unphased by Petunia's hostile attitude.

"I hope it is a good Christian non-government school where the boy can get a proper Christian education," she snarled.

"No," began Hagrid, "it is not. It is a secular government school where we teach a variety of disciplines and philosophies including evolution." Harry admired Hagrid's tolerance of his aunt. He wondered why Petunia and Vernon could not be so tolerant ….

Aunt Petunia laughed and clutched a cross that also hung around her own neck. "We are too smart for that. Haven't you read the Bible? Evolution is not real. God created all the plants and animals just as they are. Besides, evolution is only a theory!"

"What exactly is evolution?" asked Harry quietly, staring down at the neatly vacuumed carpet and his own scruffy feet.

"Evolution explains the process of the change undergone by different kinds of organisms based on changes in their environment. It is a theory first proposed by Darwin and Wallace. In science we have a stricter definition of a theory, one that does not exactly correspond to the definition of the term colloquially." said Hagrid.

Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry's ears, in a vain attempt to shield him from what Hagrid was saying. She employed her most sickly sweet voice and said, "Now listen here. Harry doesn't need to learn any of this. He has a nice Christian life. He has the Bible and psalms and Jesus. I have a very nice copy of the Bible, I can lend to you if you like."

Hagrid chuckled to himself wisely. "You can have your own opinions but we are offering this scholarship to Harry, and it is his choice whether he accepts it or not," he argued reasonably.

Harry looked up at Hagrid. He felt happy that he had been given the power to make decisions about his own life and felt a rush of gratitude towards the enormous man. He did quite enjoy science class at school and would be quite interested to learn more about evolution, in a supportive environment where he would be encouraged to form his own opinions based on scientific evidence and data. It would be better to learn there than in his aunt and uncle's household where his personal views would be belittled and ridiculed.

"I want to go to the school," he said calmly to Hagrid who smiled down at him.

"Good choice," he replied.

"I want to learn about evolution," continued Harry.

"Well," replied Hagrid, "a good place to learn about that is at Hogwarts School of Evolution."

 _Author's Note: SO what do you all think? I may not be a professional writer, but I think I will develop the talent to pull this off in service of a greater mission._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - New Horizons

"Hogwarts School of Evolution?" Harry queried, folding his arms with the attitude characteristic of a critical thinker. He was interested to learn more about this school yet he knew that it was important to obtain as much information as possible before making a decision. However, what he had heard so far sounded promising. "I'd like to go there," he accepted politely.

Hagrid smiled. He was happy because it seemed as though the school would be gaining a new and thoughtful student. He knew that new perspectives would provide strength and innovation at the school. Besides, it was a good thing that Hagrid had offered the scholarship to Harry at this point in time. Had he waited longer, Harry's opinions may have been stifled by his relatives and he may have been brainwashed into becoming a fundamentalist Christian.

"Don't be silly, Harry," Aunt Petunia commanded; and wrung her long, bony hands. "Come back inside; I will read to you from the Bible and you will see that you don't need any of this science and philosophy and evolution."

Harry thought about this prospect. His Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were as close to parents as he had; and this was the only home he knew. Could he really leave? But he knew that he had the right to make decisions about his own life. Besides, he knew that it did not mean he would never see them again, he would come back to Privet Drive every summer for the holidays.

"No, Petunia." He said calmly and wisely. "I have made my choice and I have decided I am going to Hogwarts."

"No, no, Harry!" Aunt Petunia screeched desperately. "You must stay with us and study the ways of God. If you don't then you won't get to go to heaven! You do want to go to heaven, don't you dear?"

"No, Petunia." Retorted Harry politely. He had heard enough. "Don't you see that your religion is based on fear? Don't you understand how Christianity indoctrinates innocent and vulnerable children by threatening that if they don't adhere to a certain dogma they will go to hell? Still, it's not your fault Petunia, you just have a different perspective to me and I respect that."

Hagrid looked down at Harry admiringly. He thought that it was a very well constructed argument and he knew that Harry would do well at Hogwarts.

"Do not leave, Harry." wailed Dudley sadly. Harry felt guilty at leaving his cousin, but knew that Dudley had plenty of other friends and would not miss him very much. Besides, they could always write letters to each other.

"I have made my choice," said Harry as he stepped over the threshold. "Goodbye Dursleys, I will see you over the holidays."

And with that, he and Hagrid began to walk down Privet Drive.

"How will we get to this school, Hagrid?" Harry queried curiously.

"We will catch public transport," Hagrid replied knowledgeably. "It is much better for the environment."

So Harry and Hagrid went to King's Cross Train station, bought tickets and boarded the train. The journey to the school was long and Harry was getting tired. The train turned around a bend and Harry looked out of the window. He saw a huge Gothic castle with tall towers and lush green grass. Harry was in awe.

A tall thin man with a long silvery beard greeted Harry and Hagrid as they stepped off the train. Harry did not pay much attention to what he was wearing, partly because he didn't think this was very important and partly because philosophy and science do not demand conformity to a certain dress code or lifestyle, thus allowing for a wide range of dress styles within the discipline. An old woman with a kindly smile stood next to the man.

"Hello Hagrid," the man said, amicably shaking Hagrid's hand. He turned to Harry. "And you must be Harry." He continued in a deep and pleasant voice. Harry nodded agreement. "My name is Professor Albus Dumbledore and this is Associate Professor Minerva McGonagall. Welcome to Hogwarts School of Evolution!"

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Dinnertime!

 _Author's note - Hello, friends! I have struggled a lot about whether or not to keep going with this story; but, with a lot of logical reasoning I have decided it is the right thing to do. I want the children of the world little ones to have good, atheist literature to read; and in this modern world, sometimes, that can be hard to come by! So I will just have to make do =)_

"Pleased to meet you, Professor Dumbledore," Harry replied enthusiastically; and got to his feet. "This sure is a beautiful place you have here!"

Professor Dumbledore smiled at Harry. Dumbledore was a great admirer of architecture and was happy that Harry appreciated the beauty of Hogwarts. Harry was excited to get to know Dumbledore better and he hoped that they would have a very productive time at Hogwarts together.

"Harry was living with his aunt and uncle," explained Hagrid. "They were very reluctant to let Harry make choices about his own life. They were trying to brainwash him into becoming a fundamentalist Christian by stifling his critical thinking skills."

Dumbledore listened to what Hagrid said concernedly. "Hogwarts School of Evolution does not believe in this kind of brainwashing. It is our philosophy that children should be able to learn about whatever they want in a safe and non-judgemental environment."

Dumbledore turned to Harry and announced respectfully, "Now, your classes start tomorrow morning. Today, you can get settled into your dormitory and be introduced to the school with the other first years."

Dumbledore led Harry into the Great Hall where he saw long tables of students chatting happily to each other. Dumbledore led Harry to a table with the rest of the first years. Then he returned to the staff table and took his seat next to Associate Professor Minerva McGonagall who stood up to make an announcement. A hush fell over the students as they ended their conversations to listen to the Associate Professor.

"Today the main course will be pork with vegetables and the dessert will be sponge cake. The pigs used in this dish were humanely raised and killed and there are vegetarian and vegan options for those of you who don't eat meat. In addition, if there are any first year students or new students from other years who have any allergies, food intolerances or other dietary requirements they can come and speak to me now to make arrangements for the rest of the year."

The food was served by waiters who were being paid decent wages and provided with lodging at the school, not to mention treated with respect by all the staff and students. Harry realised that he was quite hungry and began to eat the food, but only after he had thanked the waiter. After the first course, the girl opposite Harry introduced herself.

"I'm Hermione Granger," she said, extending her hand which Harry shook.

"Pleased to meet you," Harry said. "I'm Harry Potter."

Hermione had bushy brown hair with a pierced eyebrow and a tattoo of the Golden ratio on her forearm. She smiled at him welcomingly. Harry and Hermione chatted to each other and Hermione explained her love of mathematics. She smiled as she told Harry that she was really excited to attend Hogwarts, because she had heard that the staff and students at Hogwarts didn't have any sexist notions about women not being able to do mathematics.

Over dessert, Harry heard Hagrid (who he found out held the title of Senior Lecturer) speaking gravely to Dumbledore. "We might run into a bit of trouble in the future with the school," he said. "Some of the new politicians aren't too keen on our stance against compulsory scripture and school chaplains."

Dumbledore nodded and appeared to be deep in thought. It was possible that Hogwarts might be the only school which was immune to the fundamental Christian indoctrination attempts!

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - Dangerous Days Ahead!

 _Author's note - Hello friends! I apologize for being gone so long, but I came down with an illness. And, due to my trust in well researched Western medicine which has been clinically proven to work in trials, I went to the doctor and took the medicine. I had nearly forgotten about this little story of mine when I sat down to catch up my email and-lo and behold!- there were dozens of messages from this lovely site._

 _Now, of course, there were some hateful messages that made me very sad, but for every review posted by a fundamental Christian with a bee in his/her bonnet, there were three lovely private messages from other atheists out there, thanking me for doing this work. Wow! So, here is another chapter for all you mommies out there, and all you believers spreading hatred-well-let's see if you aren't converted by the time this story's over =)_

When the delicious dinner had ended, Harry felt very full and tired. It had been a long journey to Hogwarts and he had met many new people, but he was very glad to have arrived.

"And now," began Associate Professor McGonagall, "it is time for you all to be going off to your dormitories and to bed."

"Not just yet," Professor Dumbledore interrupted in a respectful manner. "We haven't sung the school song yet."

And so the entire student body began to sing 'Do The Evolution' by Pearl Jam since this was the school song of Hogwarts School of Evolution. As they all filed out of the Great Hall, Dumbledore put on 'State of Love and Trust' by Pearl Jam because it has some mad guitar solos, and many of the students rocked out to the epic music, including Hermione. However, not all of the students liked Pearl Jam's music, which was fine because Hogwarts was a place of acceptance and tolerance.

Harry and Hermione walked to their dormitories together. Harry thought that Hermione looked quite beautiful, but he also realised that it didn't matter what she looked like because it was important not to judge people on their outward appearances. He also admired and respected Hermione because she seemed to be an intelligent young woman who wasn't overly concerned with society's opinions.

Hermione had arrived at Hogwarts earlier that day, so she had received a full tour of the castle and it's grounds. She led Harry up and down many winding staircases and through many hallways, pointing out important rooms and landmarks along the way. When they finally reached the dormitories, Hermione pushed open the door. "I can show you around the boys dormitory if you like?" she asked helpfully.

"Yes, thank you." Harry accepted.

As she led him through the dormitory she explained to him how Hogwarts was a very open minded school and how Professor Dumbledore had taken it upon himself to provide a secure and non-judgemental environment for students above the legal age of consent to engage in safe and consensual sexual practices and experimentation. Of course, this did not only refer to heterosexual experiences, but also encompassed homosexual sex and all other sexual orientations and practices (including masturbation and group sex), since Dumbledore himself was gay and understood how important it was to prevent discrimination and heterosexism.

Hermione showed Harry where his bedroom was and Harry remembered that he wanted to ask her a question.

"Did you hear what Senior Lecturer Hagrid was saying to Dumbledore over dinner," he queried.

"Oh yes, when he was talking about the politicians?" she replied. Harry nodded.

"There is a particular politician that I think he was referring to." Hermione continued. "His name is Voldemort. He comes from the Bible Belt and is a fundamentalist Christian. He is pushing an agenda in Congress to have compulsory scripture in every school and school chaplains. He even wants to revise the abortion laws and outlaw same-sex marriage!"

"That's terrible," gasped Harry. "That kind of attitude is very detrimental to everyone's personal freedoms, especially in regards to a woman's right to her own body, and it totally goes against all concepts of feminism and equality!"

"Are you a feminist Harry?" asked Hermione.

"Yes," he declared. "I wholeheartedly believe in equal rights and opportunities men and women. I don't believe that women should be hindered in life by medieval sexist notions that they belong in the kitchen and can't do science or mathematics like many Christian fundamentalists believe. I also completely disagree with the notion that feminism is about giving women extra rights, when the core mission of feminism is to overcome archaic gender stereotypes and roles that are harmful to all genders."

Hermione smiled appreciatively. They said goodnight to one another and Harry collapsed tiredly into his bed. He thought about what a big day he had had. But on the whole he was very glad to be able to study at Hogwarts.

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - A New Friend?

 _Author's Note: Hello, friends! I'm very sorry if this chapter is a bit shorter than usual because I am busy with my real life =) Ooh, and on that note-some of you lovely readers have requested me to write down some quotes from famous atheists and evolutionists after each chapter. Well, far be it from me to not spread the word about evolution!_

 _Another question I have gotten-in the "original books", Harry Potter and friends frequently question authority; and how do I feel about this? Well I talked to myself about it and I think questioning authority should be encouraged. Teenagers, such as those in the Harry Potter books, regularly question authority, which is a natural part of their development of critical thinking skills. Furthermore, it is an extremely important element of society to have people questioning authority. Blind faith or submission leads to oppression which can stifle freedom of speech. Freedom of speech is an integral human right that should be protected._

 _And finally-I got a "PM" from a lovely friend who was a bit confused; so I'll just clear this up now: I do not own the "original books"; and those belong to JKR!_

 _So, without further ado-_

Harry Potter woke up drowsily in a comfy, fluffy mattress. It was only now that he had the energy to observe his surroundings. The room was small but also everything he needed; there was a big, warm fireplace in the grey, stone wall across from him; a shelf of intelligent books- there were books on evolution, science, philosophy and classical literature- there was a simple, wood dresser for him to put his own clothing into; and of course a clean, porcelain sink for washing up and brushing teeth and such.

Harry left his room and made his way to the common room. There was another first year boy there sitting in one of the arm-chairs. He had bright, shaggy red hair and a dreamy expression on his face, his eyes were slightly bloodshot.

"Hello." Harry said, approaching the boy. He was very eager to make some new friends. "I'm Harry Potter."

"Ron Weasley." The boy replied, smiling up at Harry.

"Are you quite alright?" Harry asked hesitantly, he was rather concerned about Ron's red -rimmed eyes. Maybe he had an eye infection.

"Oh, I just got back from the recreational drug usage room." Ron explained, "I'm still a bit high."

"The recreational drug usage room?" Harry asked, he had heard from his Aunt and Uncle that drugs were very bad, but he was interested to see if Ron could provide him with a fresh perspective.

"Yes, it's a room where students and staff can go to take recreational substances in a safe, monitored environment. It helps to ensure that people who do not like these drugs do not have to be exposed to them directly, and also means that we are less likely to get hurt or get into trouble under the influence." Ron explained.

"I see." Harry replied. "But isn't taking drugs dangerous?"

"Lots of things are dangerous. Car crashes are the number one cause of accidental death, but we don't ban cars, do we?" Ron blinked. "And it depends on what you take. Some substances like methamphetamine are very dangerous and they are strongly discouraged at Hogwarts. Other substances like marijuana are no more dangerous than tobacco or alcohol, both of which are perfectly legal. You can't lump all recreational substances into one category when they have very different long and short term effects."

"That makes sense." Harry said. "But surely if there is a chance that they may be harmful, the school shouldn't allow the students to take such risks."

Ron smiled. "You know the famous Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard once said that during the first period of one's life the greatest danger is not to take the risk. Without taking a risk, you will never discover anything new. I will never be able to know if the positives of taking a recreational substance outweigh the negatives until I experiment with it. Many at Hogwarts feel the same, as an important part of thinking critically is often to take a chance and investigate the experience for yourself. Not to mention that ultimately it is my body, and I should be the one to decide what risks I can and can't take with it."

"That is an interesting perspective." Harry mused.

"Anyway," Ron continued pleasantly. "The school recognises that and provides a safe environment for its students to experiment with many different practises. They also aware that simply banning a substance often increases its appeal, and that this frequently ensures that students are likely to turn to unsafe means of obtaining said substances, not to mention the fact that they are unlikely to come forward if they do require urgent medical aid due to their substance usage. Following the in the footsteps of Portugal's unorthodox but effective drug policies, serious addictions are regarded as medical illness rather than a sign of criminal or deviant behaviour, and are treated as such. This policy has been very successful at Hogwarts, not only in preventing serious drug related crime, death and injury, but also in educating students on acceptable risk taking and responsible risk management."

Harry thought long and hard about what Ron had said. "I will have to do more research on this before I can formulate an informed opinion." He decided.

"That's very wise of you." Ron nodded. "I would recommend the library. They have many books and articles and case studies that argue both for and against the "war on drugs", I'm sure that you will find it most informative. In the meantime, why don't I introduce you to my brothers and sister over breakfast?"

Harry nodded eagerly in response. He was excited to meet new students at Hogwarts and, even though he hadn't quite made his mind up about the "war on drugs", he felt sure that Ron would be a good friend with whom he could have many intellectually stimulating conversations.

Thus, Ron and Harry made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast.

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_

 _A moral being is one who is capable of reflecting on his past actions and their motives - of approving of some and disapproving of others - Charles Darwin._

 _I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world - Richard Dawkins._

 _To terrify children with the image of hell... to consider women an inferior creation. Is that good for the world? - Christopher Hitchens._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 - No Sorting Hats Because Sorting Hats Divide People.

 _Author's Note: Hello, friends! I apologize to people who's private messages I haven't been able to reply to; but things are awfully busy here in the universe of rationality! Many thanks to the zero lovely friends who have asked about my recent illness. Your not giving a crap is greatly appreciated!_

When they arrived at the Great Hall, Ron led Harry up to his family. Ron's twin brothers were playing chess, a very intellectual game. His oldest brother, Percy, was watching. His sister was sitting a little off to the side, reading an article titled _Mechanism of the eukaryotic chaperonin: protein folding in the chamber of secrets_ which was by Spiess, C (2004). All the members of Ron's family had bright red hair like Ron himself. Harry approached them shyly.

"Good morning everyone," began Ron. "This is my new friend Harry."

Fred and George looked up from their chess game to introduce themselves to Harry and respectfully shake his hand. Percy pulled up a chair next to him so that Harry could sit down, and Ginny looked up from her scholarly article to say hello.

They were then joined by Hermione and the conversation quickly turned to their subjects, since Dr Flitwick had just handed them their timetables. Harry looked down at his eagerly to find that he would be studying biology, chemistry, physics, geology, mathematics, philosophy and classical literature and history for the year. He thought this was a good and broad range of subjects and was very keen to get started.

He was about to mention this to his friends when he heard a voice from behind him. "Hello there," said the voice dreamily. Harry turned around to see a girl with wispy long blonde hair who was wearing homemade rainbow tie dyed clothing and long necklaces. She had flowers in her hair, not that her appearance mattered.

"Hello, I'm Harry," said Harry respectfully. "I'm Luna," she replied accepting his handshake. "I like your tattoo," she said to Hermione. "Thank you," replied Hermione, beaming. "It's the Golden ratio, because I like science and mathematics."

"That's nice," mused Luna. "I think it's good that you aren't ashamed of being interested in those things. And when you get a job it will help encourage other girls to be interested in these things, which in turn will reinforce the idea that women can do mathematics and science just as well as men can."

"That's preposterous." A voice sneered from behind Harry.

Harry turned around to face the boy who had spoken. He was very pale, his hair was even lighter than Luna's and slicked back under a black trilby. He wore cargo shorts, a black trench coat and a T-shirt that said "#meninist" on it.

"Hello, I'm Harry Potter. Who are you and why do you think Luna's point is preposterous?" Harry asked politely, "I'm quite curious to hear your side of the argument."

"It's really quite simple," Draco began. "Women's brains are hardwired for nurturing and caring, not for rigorous logical thought. They are too wrapped up in their emotions to undertake objective disciplines like science and maths, that's why they are better off staying at home and caring for children."

"What evidence do you have to support this perspective?" Harry asked curiously.

"Women's brains are wired differently to men." Draco replied. "Women's brains have greater hemisphere to hemisphere connectivity, meaning that they are good at being intuitive and handling emotions, while men's brains have more wiring between the front and the back, so they can focus better on tasks and logic. This is science."

"Draco, I don't agree with your argument." Hermione spoke up from across the table. "While it's true that this difference in wiring is present, it's actually a miniscule difference. Similarly, the difference may not be biologically hard wired, as it is much more pronounced in teenagers aged fourteen and over, than any of their younger peers. Some have attributed this to puberty, but others suspect is because it's around this age that growing social pressures for men to be logical and women to empathic truly begin to make themselves felt, and the brain adjusts accordingly. Brain plasticity is a fascinating topic, and it's a provable scientific fact that the brain has an amazing ability to rewire itself in response to environmental changes. So, while I concede your point that male and female brains are on average slightly different, I believe that it is in response to unfortunate social expectations which can be changed over time."

"Well, those social pressures exist for a reason." Draco retorted. "Why do you think it's more common for men to be leaders and scientists and innovators and for women to fill the roles of child care and home-makers. It's because men are biologically tougher and more suited to authority than women. All societies have been patriarchal, from the Greeks to the ancient Chinese. It's only natural."

"Arguably many of our most "natural" cultures, our few continuing hunter gatherer societies, such as certain Indigenous nations of Canada and Australia, are in fact matriarchal or at the very least matrilineal." Luna jumped in, smiling a little dreamily. "Additionally there are a number of noteworthy non-hunter gatherer civilizations that are or have been overseen by women, such as the Akan people of West Africa who founded the Ashanti and Akwamu Empires. Therefore, by your logic patriarchy is no more ingrained than matriarchy is, as in our most "natural" state many human societies opted for matriarchal, or at the very least highly equal, societies."

"Really?" Draco sneered a little. "Then why did patriarchy develop? Why did all matriarchies that allowed women to exercise control over men fail?"

"That is something that is still being debated widely." Luna hummed. "But I personally subscribe to the idea that it was mostly related to the development of agriculture, as gender specific grave goods are not widely observed in archaeological assemblages until after settlement and domestication. The considerable increase in birth rates that occurred along-side settlement may have resulted in women not being able to participate as fully in society and the labour-force, leading to men taking more dominant roles. Of course, this was also occurring alongside growing social stratification, where the balance of power was growing more unequal in general, and further emphasising the idea of separate roles and status. Patriarchy may have been inevitable in such societies, but it is hardly inevitable now. Our birth rates are far lower than they were then, and many important jobs do not require the intense physical labour they once did. There is no reason now that men and women can't share the burden of power and responsibility equally."

"I don't believe either of you." Draco replied. "I think you have been reading too much feminist propaganda.'

"You don't have to believe us." Hermione said calmly, "But I think it would be good if you read some of this so-called "feminist propaganda". I would also be interested to read some of the sources that helped inspire your views. Perhaps we should do a book swap, Luna and I have some very interesting books and articles on this topic. We would be happy to share them with you."

"If you don't mind I would like to read them too." Harry piped up. "This all sounds very interesting, although I am personally more inclined to agree with Hermione and Luna, I am very open to any arguments you may have Draco."

Their conversation was never resolved because Professor Dumbledore stood up to make an announcement.

"Some of you may have heard many things about Hogwarts School of Evolution before you arrived, and so I would like to take this time to clarify a few points. In the past, before I was dean of this school, the students at Hogwarts were divided up into four different houses, based on personal attributes such as bravery or wit. However, after a great deal of thinking and discussion, myself and my colleagues stand by our decision we made when I first arrived, to abolish the house system.

Dumbledore paused, as if gathering his thoughts, before continuing. "Our reasons for this include the fact that a house system based on personality is not very tolerant of individuality. We do not want any of our students to feel pressure to conform to certain personal traits or philosophies. Secondly, we believe that a house system will reinforce negative stereotypes about particular personalities and create a hostile and competitive environment. Thirdly, we encourage our students to mix will all different types of people for a representation of the fact that society is comprised of a plethora of different personalities, not just those of a particular house. And lastly, being assigned a house creates a label for a person and here at Hogwarts we emphasize that life is more important than labeling one's self this or that. I am sure that, for example, some students will have a distinct sexuality, and others might not. Whichever your particular preference may be and however it may change over time, we believe that it is harmful to define one's entire personality or state of being around this particular attribute. It is important to _live,_ and at Hogwarts we want you to live a rich and full life. We hope you will understand our reasoning. Thank you."

The students applauded Professor Dumbledore's speech enthusiastically. Harry glanced at the time and realised with a start that it was almost time for his first class.

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_

 _I'm not religious, I'm an atheist, and a militant atheist when religion starts impacting on legislation - Daniel Radcliffe._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 - Wheat _Triticum aestivum_

 _Author's Note: Hello, friends! Phew, this chapter took longer to write than I'd thought it would. There is so much to be done here on my uni holidays doing absolutely nothing, I don't think I'll ever get caught up. But now I'm finally getting around to putting the finishing touches on this little chapter. I apologize for the delay!_

 _Now, there have been quite a few_ _questions and comments coming in; and I thought I should take time to address a few; since I don't have time to reply individually. First of all, to all the people who have expressed their appreciation of this little story of mine: thank you! (no seriously I mean it, thanks) Your support keeps me writing and I definitely appreciate the feedback. Remember, though-the glory is not mine; it is the work of a greater cause. And the people who call me names: a fornucating drug-addicted evolutionist is like a big, ugly monster who lives under a bridge; and wanting everyone to make their own choices about their lives and being tolerant and interested in all different worldviews makes one a so-called "bigot", hmmm? Well, that's this modern world for you! So many people now days are intolerant and ignorant so I hope that all the mommies out there can teach their children some good morals from this story, or not if you don't want to. I hope I am empowering people to make their own choices about life and who they want to be!_

Harry, Hermione and Ron headed off to their first class of the day, along with Luna and Malfoy. According to their timetables, the first class was Classical History, which would be taught by Associate Lecturer Trelawney.

They arrived in the classroom and sat down at their wooden desks, eager for the lecture to start. Associate Lecturer Trelawney stood at the front of the classroom and was ready to begin.

"Since this is your first lesson of classical history, I would like to begin with an examination of history and it's study with the use of an example. The example I am going to give for you to think about today is the historical personality Alexander the Great."

Associate Lecturer Trelawney then proceeded to explain the complex life of Alexander the Great, adding in important details such as the historical context in which the events took place. Harry and his friends took notes diligently and were quite interested to discover how Lecturer Trelawney was going to use this as an example of how history is interpreted.

Then, Trelawney began to explain the modern historian's attitudes towards Alexander. She explained how in the time before WWII, Alexander was viewed as a groundbreaking leader and almost idolized as though he could do nothing wrong. However, after WWII, attitudes began to change. Many historians likened Alexander the Great to Hitler and there was a rise in negative rhetoric with many historians retracting their previous admiration and labeling Alexander a megalomaniac.

"Don't you think it is interesting, students, that a modern event so far removed from the life of Alexander The Great can so drastically affect how he is portrayed? And the lesson I would like you to learn from this and to think about, is that most often it is folly to label a person either 'good' or 'bad'. The world is not black and white, divided up into these two different categories and neither is history. It is important to remember that every human is multifaceted and all of us have 'good' and 'bad' elements. One cannot choose evidence that supports their claim whilst ignoring evidence that contradicts it. This is not good historical practice, and alas it seems to be becoming more prevalent. Nobody is perfect but everyone has choices in life and it is the choices that we make by which we should be judged."

The lesson finished and the students filed out of the classroom, discussing what they had learnt and sharing perspectives. They had a free period before the next class so Harry and Hermione spent the hour swimming in the Hogwarts swimming pool, whilst Ron spent the time with his family.

Next up on their timetable was physics class with Dr Snape.

"Physics should be interesting," said Harry conversationally to Hermione.

"Oh yes I agree," she replied. "It sounds really fascinating and I would really like to know how to apply mathematics to the study of the universe." Harry nodded in agreement.

"Although," began Hermione tentatively, "it is supposed to be Draco Malfoy's favorite subject and I do hope he doesn't make any remarks about it being a 'male' subject and therefore not suitable for girls."

"Don't worry about Malfoy," said Harry. "You know perfectly well that girls can do physics just as well as boys and there's no need to be intimidated by him. You can decide whether you like it or not, regardless of Malfoy's attitude or any other societal pressure."

Hermione brightened up and smiled. "Thanks Harry," she said. "I really appreciate that."

"You're welcome Hermione," he said. "I would encourage you to do physics if you like it so that you can be a role model for other women and prove that the sexist attitudes are unfounded."

And with that they walked into Dr Snape's laboratory.

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_

 _Young girls are told to be the delicate princess, Hermione taught them that you can be the warrior - Emma Watson._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 - Refreshing Honesty

 _Author's Note: Hello, friends! Things have finally calmed down a bit here; and I am so excited to share with you all another new chapter. One thing I would like to talk about, though; many people have been calling me a "feminist". That means "a person who advocates for women's rights on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men". Friends: I am a feminist! I am a woman! Now, what is it I have done to have people calling me this? Well, apparently, it is saying that women deserve equal pay, equal opportunity and equal rights to men._

 _Now; it is certainly true that some of what is written in the Bible about women is demeaning, harmful to society and overcoming sexist attitudes and prejudice. And that is terrible. And there are some people out there who think all women are stupid or "less than men". Friends: this is not what I believe at all! I believe that women that are exactly equal to men. In fact, I think that if the attitude that women should be housewives and belong in the kitchen disappeared entirely; the world would be a much better place to live! And to any of those Christians who hate women and think women are stupid and worth less than men; well... they will all get a very serious talking-to from a certain feminist ;)_

All the students were eagerly awaiting Dr Snape's physics class in the laboratory. Dr Snape entered the classroom wearing his white lab coat and covered in shoes for safety.

They each sat down at a desk and Dr Snape began the lesson. It was a complex lesson but Harry thoroughly enjoyed it. They learnt all about Einstein and his special and general relativity and Dr Snape explained very well how even though these areas of physics are thought of as "pure physics" they can end up having many practical applications, for example special relativity is used in GPS and so it is important that these areas still receive funding.

Malfoy also seemed to be enjoying himself in the class, as well as Hermione. It was towards the end though, that Malfoy spoke up.

"Excuse me Dr Snape," he said in a loud, grating voice. "Do you have any information about what is happening with Voldemort?"

Someone in the class gasped. Dr Snape looked at Malfoy over his glasses, and then took them off his hooked nose and cleaned them with his handkerchief. Then he began to speak.

"I am just going to say this to you students, in order to clarify any rumours that you might have been hearing about this issue," he began, standing up from his stood and pacing around in front of the blackboard.

"It is true that there is a certain politician from the Bible Belt who is raising some issues in Congress." Dr Snape paused for a moment to look at his class. All the students were watching him and waiting to hear what he was going to say next.

"Mr Voldemort is a fundamental Christian who disagrees with many of the core principles of this school. Now, as you well know, at Hogwarts we promote tolerance and we are not opposed to people's rights to practise Christianity or any other religion. However, Hogwarts is fundamentally in opposition to this idea that of these religious beliefs should be allowed to dictate what we teach at this school, or to impose legislation that undermines the secular nature of our nation's government. Voldemort is currently attempting to rally his supporters in an effort to impose compulsory scripture classes on this very school."

The classroom was dead silent, you could easily have heard a pin drop.

"In addition to this, Voldemort is also trying to prevent our teaching of the biological theory of evolution, as he believes it contradicts the Bible. Now of course Mr Voldemort is entitled to his own beliefs about evolution but that does not mean that he should be given allowed to prevent others from studying it. He also wants to install school chaplains at the school instead of regular school counselors which could potentially cause issues of discrimination against homosexuality or any sexual practises that Mr Voldemort's followers do not agree with. Moreover, Mr Voldemort also wants a ban on all teaching of climate science at Hogwarts School of Evolution, as it is his personal view that climate change does not exist."

"That's terrible," piped up Neville Longbottom from the back of the room.

"But what about the Constitution?" Dean Thomas questioned articulately. "Doesn't he care about the First Amendment?"

Mr. Snape shook his head sadly. "Voldemort is one of the people who misinterpret the First Amendment. The First Amendment states: 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.' This is a vital part of the Constitution which ensures freedom of speech and here at Hogwarts we have the utmost respect for this piece of law. However, the First Amendment was designed by Thomas Jefferson to build 'a wall of separation between Church & State,' thus ensuring that the United States of America is a secular nation, not one built upon Christian values, or indeed the values of any particular religion, as so many people believe to be so."

Dean Thomas raised his hand again; and queried coherently, "But why does Voldemort hate atheists so much?"

"I am unsure," replied Dr Snape. "It is possible that perhaps he feels threatened by atheism."

"But will Voldemort ever be able to achieve this?" asked Seamus Finnigan politely.

"It is hard to tell," replied Dr Snape. "However we do know that there is a rise in conservative Christian sentiment and that Voldemort is having some success in gaining supporters for his cause. There are dark days ahead and Professor Dumbledore is preparing for a response to Voldemort's attempts to interfere with the running to this school."

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_

 _Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man - Thomas Jefferson._

 _I have found Christian dogma unintelligible - Benjamin Franklin._

 _This would be the best of all possible worlds if there were no religion in it - John Adams._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 - A Letter At Dinner!

 _Author's Note: Hello, friends! I apologize for how long it took to get this chapter out; but-I have good news! Starting tonight, I will not be taking a beginning writer's course at the local community college! Through all the hate from the fundamental Christians, there has been some legitimate praise of my writing skills. My mother did her best; and she certainly did teach me a lot; but grammar was not her area of expertise. That's why I paid attention in English lessons at school. I don't have a husband, but even if I did I wouldn't let him make rules about what I can and can't do because it is my life and that is my choice =)_

One week into the school year, Harry was slowly, gradually starting to get used to the everyday routines at Hogwarts School of Evolution. There was breakfast in the Great Hall every morning; and then there was a music session led by the Professor Dumbledore where the students could request Dumbledore to play a particular piece of music. After the music session; the students all went to their classes-there were mathematics and classical literature classes, of course-although they were of the same caliber than one would find in a Public School-and then there were biology, chemistry, physics and geology.

After that was lunch in the Great Hall. After lunch were more classes about classical history and philosophy. After these classes was dinner in the Great Hall; after which the students had free time, which they could use socializing, playing sport, studying or having safe consensual sex (provided that they were of age) or visiting the recreational drug usage room.

It was just such a dinner that Harry was eating now. He was sitting with his new friends: Hermione, Ron, Luna and Dean Thomas, whom they had met in Dr Snape's physics class.

"This food certainly is delicious!" Harry observed gratefully; and he was savoring a bite of perfectly roasted chicken that was given a free range life in a large field and killed in a humane manner.

"It really is," Dean Thomas concurred intelligently. He was wearing a leather jacket over his Che Guevara shirt and his dreadlocks were tied back in a ponytail.

Hermione nodded in agreement and fiddled with her piercings absent mindly.

Ron grinned widely but remained silent as he shoved another handful of brussel sprouts into his mouth. Ron usually ate breakfast and lunch with his family; but he was excited to have made some new friends. He knew that his new friends, as students of Hogwarts School of Evolution, would be tolerant and accepting people.

It was then that Associate Professor McGonagall began wandering around the tables, handing out letters to the students from their family or friends, which she has retrieved from the school mailbox.

"The mail's here," Dean Thomas observed accurately; and he looked over at Associate Professor McGonagall eagerly, hoping to receive a letter from his mother.

Harry looked as the Associate Professor moved up his table gradually, wondering whether his Aunt and Uncle would be sending him a letter. He thought this was fairly unlikely, since they vehemently disapproved of his attending Hogwarts and his tolerant atheist values.

He was surprised when Associate Professor McGonagall opened her mail bag and extracted a letter for him, placing it next to his plate of food. He wondered who it could be from.

With excited hands, Harry broke the seal and took out the piece of recycled paper that was inside the envelope. He laid it out on the table and saw the scrawled handwriting.

 _Dear Harry-_

 _How are you enjoying your first week at Hogwarts? I hope you are enjoying it a lot! How about you come over for tea this evening after dinner; and you can tell me all about it._

 _-Hagrid_

Harry smiled as he folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. Hagrid was thoughtful and must have realised that Harry, having grown up in a household of fundamentalist Christians, might not know many people at Hogwarts.

"Hagrid has invited me to dinner with him, would you like to come with me?" Harry asked Hermione, Ron and Dean.

"Yeah sure Harry," Hermione replied. "That'd be cool."

"Yeah we'd love to come with you," responded Ron and Dean eloquently.

"Great," said Harry, smiling at his friends.

Ron smiled in reply before going back to his brussel sprouts.

When dinner finished, Harry got to his feet; and then he declared boldly, "Let's go!"

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_

 _Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairies at the bottom of it too? - Douglas Adams._

 _Creator of the universe went to great trouble to create the foreskin. Then insisted that you cut it off. Makes sense_ \- _Richard Dawkins._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Dangerous Days Are Here!

 _Author's Note: Hello, friends! Sorry that this chapter took so long to post; but I did not ask a writing instructor to proofread my work and instead chose to edit it myself, I hope the wait was worth it! Oh, and another thing; a few well-intentioned (but misguided) readers have expressed concern about the fact that I do not have a husband to dictate what I kind of education I can and cannot undertake. Friends: it was not long ago that I would have thought the same thing! Culture taught me that an intelligent, highly educated woman was unfeminine and I believed them. All I will say is this: read A Vindication of the Rights of Woman by Mary Wollstonecraft, all of it. Life-changer ;)_

Hagrid lived in a lovely little house on the edge of the Hogwarts campus. Harry and his young yet capable peers arrived right on time, because punctuality is usually considered polite. The delicious smell of tea and cookies wafted out from the house. Hagrid had clearly been baking, which was a perfectly acceptable past-time for a man at Hogwarts, as the school took pride in the fact that it was a place where men could cultivate traditionally feminine hobbies without fear of being mocked.

Smiling in anticipation, Harry knocked on the door.

Hagrid opened the door and beamed down at them. "Welcome, Harry. I'm glad you and your friends could come!"

"Thank you." Harry said politely. "This is Dean Thomas, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley."

Each of Harry's friends shook Hagrid's hand and smiled as he ushered them into his house. Hagrid did the sensible thing and refrained from passing any judgement on them based on their appearance, deciding that it would be best to get to know them before he made up his mind about what kind of people they were.

Hagrid's house was tastefully decorated. The curtains were plaid, the walls were paneled with sustainably sourced wood and a thick, fair-trade Persian rug covered the floor. Above the mantlepiece - in pride of place - hung a large, beautifully polished ammonite fossil. Hagrid had been an avid fossil collector all his life and had donated many of his finds to museums, however this particular specimen was his pride and joy. The table in the kitchen had been set for five, and the kettle on the stove was just starting to sing.

"You have a lovely home." Harry commented.

"Yes, it is really nice." Dean agreed.

"Thank you!" Hagrid smiled. "It's not any religious belief that drives me to keep my home so nice, just a sense of personal pride in my surroundings."

Harry, Hermione, Dean and Ron all nodded politely. They all helped Hagrid set the table, pour tea and get the cookies out of the oven before they sat down to eat.

"How is school going?" Hagrid asked.

"Quite well." Harry replied. "I'm really enjoying my classes, and it's great to get such a thorough and well rounded education."

"That's good." Hagrid nodded, then he paused, he seemed to be thinking hard about something. "I think it is important for all of us to appreciate this opportunity, because I am concerned it may not always be available." He got up and drew out a newspaper from the nearby bookstand, placing it down on the table. The headline of the front page read; VOLDEMORT SPOTTED AT HOGWARTS.

"Would you look at that." Dean Thomas said, scanning the article and mulling over the reliability of the article. "It seems to be suggesting that Voldemort was spotted on campus yesterday by a group of students from Hogwarts School of Evolution. The article claims that he is trying to put a bill through Congress that will tear down all current legislation that enforces the separation of church and state, not to mention his plans to enforce compulsory scripture, gay conversion therapy and re-education programs for atheists, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus and all other non-evangelical Christians." Dean frowned. "I will have to double check if this article is correct in stating that these are all actual policy positions held by Mr Voldemort, but this does sound serious."

"I don't show you this article to scare you." Hagrid said calmly, "But I believe you are mature enough to assess the threat for yourselves. Dean is right, we should look into Mr Voldemort's plans and ideology as thoroughly as we can. That way we will know the best way to politically counter him and advocate for our own rights and freedoms in a sensible and peaceful manner."

Hermione frowned, but she did not burst into tears because she was just as courageous and just as in command of her own emotions as everybody else sitting at the table. "It is upsetting to know that some people have such an intolerant worldview, and are angry at those who do not share it. I must admit, I don't really understand why anyone would be quite so fanatical."

"I know." Harry sighed. "He has rather horrible views, but I do not believe that he - or anyone else for that matter - is an inherently horrible person. Maybe we can change his mind through reasoned debate and common sense?"

Dean Thomas nodded thoughtfully. "Voldemort's principles do not strike me as remotely reasonable, and he seems to be deeply opposed to the use of reason and rational thinking. Sadly, this seems to be a bad time to be a critical thinker in America."

Ron watched his new friends as they considered their future with concern in their eyes. He was quite proud to be their friends, even if the did have some differences of opinion, and decided that he would support them in their endeavour to preserve Hogwarts School of Evolution. He actually enjoyed the fact that they did not see eye to eye all the time, and reflected on their civil debates as an opportunity to grow intellectually. He did wonder whether Voldemort might have a point, but then he marshalled his understanding of Voldemort's views and compared them with his own values and decided that would be very sad if Hogwarts was shut down under Voldemort's authority.

Having carefully assessed this, Ron did not have to wonder about what side he was on.

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_

 _What was God doing before the divine creation? Was he preparing hell for people who asked such questions? - Stephen Hawking._

 _A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything - Friedrich Nietzsche._


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 - A Challenge!

 _Author's Note: Hello, friends! This non-existent writing class is going quite well; I am writing the same as I was previously and my friend edits it, as always. She has a lot of very helpful suggestions; and I truly think I have been guided to this class by a purpose greater than my own, that is; to spread the word of atheism! =)_

 _Another thing, I have gotten many messages about-the subject matter of my story. People are saying that, somehow, this means I hate Catholics. Friends-I do not hate Catholics at all! All I want is for Catholics and other religious people to keep their beliefs to themselves and not impose them on other people, or use them as a basis for legislation! Do you want to know who really hates Catholics? Fundamentalist Protestants. Ironic, hmm? But think about it, these religious people have intolerance so ingrained that they cannot even agree with those who believe in the same God as them! Think about all the conflicts that have been caused by the disagreements between Catholics and Protestants when some Protestants believe the Catholics are going against the word of God when they worship 'false idols' such as Mary the Mother of Jesus and the saints? So, if any Catholics are reading this … I am asking you this in love … I respect your beliefs and I am not trying to say that they are inferior to my own, as long as you respect that I am entitled to my own beliefs._

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Dean all walked solemnly back to their main campus. They were very concerned by what they had just read. Voldemort on their campus? What would they do if they ran into him? They stayed up socialising most of the night, before slowly returning to their dorms to get some sleep, because it had been a long day.

The next morning, the friends sat together for breakfast, along with Ron's family. The spread today was truly delicious: fluffy scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, home fries, grits, waffles, apples, orange juice, and ice tea. Of course, the eggs were free range and the pigs from which the bacon was sourced were raised and killed humanely to minimise suffering to the animal. The well paid cooks were really of a very high standard!

"I still can't believe that Mr Voldemort has been seen on our own campus," Harry whispered after swallowing a bite of bacon.

"Neither can I," Dean commented perceptively.

"Not to worry," said Hermione. "I'm sure we can continue to attend our classes and further our education without much interruption. After all, Mr Voldemort has only been sighted on our campus and there is no evidence that he is trying to interfere in any way just yet. Besides, it is nearly time for Dr Snape's next physics class and I am very excited to hear about the latest particle physics theories."

"Yes me too," agreed Harry, nodding his head as he swallowed a mouthful of ice tea.

"What are the four of you gossiping about?" a smug voice from behind them said.

Harry and his friends turned around to face Draco Malfoy. Malfoy's arms were folded in front of him and rested on his chest, partially obscuring the slogan #BringBackThePatriarchy on his t-shirt.

"Hermione and I were just discussing Dr Snape's next physics class, as well as something we read in the newspaper yesterday? Would you care to join us?" asked Harry earnestly, hoping that he could salvage a friendship with Malfoy, as he felt that Malfoy had a lot of unique perspectives and ideas that he could bring to their conversations.

"I think not," said Malfoy, chortling. "As you well know, I believe that women should be putting their energies more towards raising children and managing a family, rather than attempting to leave their social niche and venture into subjects more suited to men. I myself have a keen interest in particle physics theories, as I expect you do Harry."

Harry sighed to himself. Of course, Malfoy was perfectly entitled to his own opinions, but Harry was frustrated at his lack of tolerance. It was conservative and traditional attitudes like those of Malfoy which inhibited gender equality and social change. In Harry's opinion, the truth was that women are just as smart as men, and every single human being is an equal, after all, are we not all _Homo sapiens?_ Harry also thought about modern attitudes towards the feminist movement. He realised that there were many people who felt threatened by feminism, especially men who believed the more radical 'feminists' - some of whom purport sexist notions against men - represented the movement as a whole. Feminism is about equality between men and women, and an erosion of stereotypical notions that can actually benefit men too. Perhaps Malfoy was simply one of these men who felt threatened?

"Yes, that is true Malfoy," said Harry calmly with a steady tone. "But I also believe that Hermione is entitled to this interest too, regardless of whether she is a woman or not."

"Draco, what are you doing here?" called out Associate Professor McGonagall from the other end of the Great Hall. She had a stern look on her face and was wearing a pantsuit and a business jacket that flattered her body shape and made her look professional. Of course, Hogwarts School of Evolution did not dictate dress code, and many of the teachers, including the Headmaster Professor Dumbledore felt more comfortable wearing informal clothing.

"I thought I told you to show our new student where Dr Flitwick's office is located?" continued Associate Professor McGonagall.

Realisation dawned on Malfoy's face. He had completely forgotten! Malfoy made to leave the Great Hall, but before he did so, he turned and spoke to Harry.

"Tonight Potter, in the courtyard, we are going to have a scientific debate about theoretical physics!"

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_

 _Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived - Isaac Asimov._

 _The deepest sin against the human mind is to believe things without evidence. Science is simply common sense at its best - that is rigidly accurate in observation and merciless of fallacy in logic - Thomas Huxley._


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 _Author's Note: Hello friends! I had this chapter ready a week ago, but then of course things got in the way like they always seem to. But now things have settled down (since I have consistently been doing absolutely nothing in my holidays); I thought I would finally post this._

The campus was dark when Harry, Hermione, Dean and Ron walked out of their dormitories. It was completely silent in the courtyard because all the other students were engaging in other recreational activities. On their way there, the friends passed a seventeen year old male student asking a seventeen year old female student, "Would you like to have sex with me? Of course, I fully respect your decision if you decline and I do not intend to put any pressure on you to say yes." The bright shining stars twinkled indifferently, as they were light years away, hence, by the time it took the light to reach Hogwarts School of Evolution, years had passed at the photosphere of the star.

"I'm nervous," Ron muttered shakily. "Isn't it against the rules to be outside at night-time without a teacher?"

"Don't worry about that Ron," said Hermione reassuringly. "Look, there's Nurse Practitioner Pomfrey over there. She'll supervise us."

"That's right," said Dean politely, his gaze following Hermione's finger and locating Nurse Practitioner Pomfrey wearing her scrubs. Dean was wearing the same clothes that he had been wearing all day, and today his dreadlocks fell down over his shoulders loosely. Any mommy who valued personality and intellect over appearances would be proud to have him as her son.

"Oh yes, that's right." said Ron, relieved that they weren't breaking any school rules. Of course, Professor Dumbledore knew that, since he operated a school for teenagers, there would be some occasional instances of rebellion. This was why he had created the minimum amount of rules possible, only those that ensured the safety of the students, rather than irrelevant, petty rules such as school uniform. Thus, this gave Professor Dumbledore the respect of the students and he was universally well-liked.

Just then, Draco stepped out from behind a tree. He was wearing his #meninist t-shirt underneath his white lab coat.

"Hello, Harry. Nice to see that you turned up to the debate," he said conversationally.

"That's right. Now, what kind of theoretical physics did you want to debate about? You can begin the debate Draco," said Harry level-headedly.

"Okay," began Malfoy confidently. "I would like to talk about string theory. As you well know from Dr Snape's physics classes, it is the 'holy grail' of physics to develop a Theory of Everything or a Grand Unified Theory that combines the four fundamental forces of the universe, being electromagnetism, gravity, the strong nuclear force and the weak nuclear force, into one complete theory which would unify these forces on a quantum level.

"And, as you know, a quantum version of electromagnetism was developed by Richard Feynman and his colleagues in 1940 and is called quantum electrodynamics (QED). This theory describes the electromagnetic force in terms of photon interactions. The weak nuclear force was aligned by the electroweak theory and the force carriers the W particle and the Z particle. The strong nuclear force was combined by the theory of quantum chromodynamics, with quarks and gluons. Together, this all makes up the standard model.

"However, the problem the professional physicists have is developing a quantum theory of gravity, either to unify it with the standard model or create a stand-alone quantum theory of gravity. One possibility for a quantum theory of gravity is string theory; the idea that point-like particles exist as vibrating strings. I believe that string theory, and the combination of five different kinds of string theories called M-theory, holds the answer to the fundamental nature of the universe."

Harry was impressed with Malfoy's arguments. Clearly, he had researched them well and knew what he was talking about.

"Well Draco," he said as he began his counter-argument, "I disagree. There are many problems with string theory. An obvious problem is that in order of it to work, string theory requires 26 dimensions, rather than the four dimensions in which we currently observe the universe, three being space dimensions and the other being time. I am aware that revised versions of string theory require 10 dimensions rather than the whopping 26, however it is still problematic."

"This is true Harry," retorted Malfoy. "But the dimensions can exist in a curled-up form which are unobservable on a large scale."

"That may be true," said Harry in reply, "but I personally believe it to be unlikely. Another problem with string theory is that so far there is no solid and direct evidence scientists have found to support it. We do not know that these extra 6 dimensions required for string theory exist. There is no evidence of this. It is true that to test string theory sufficiently would require a particle accelerator too big to be practically possible to construct, however I still believe that experimental evidence is crucial for a theory to have weight. After all, is it not the most important component of the scientific method?"

"I agree," conceded Malfoy, "what you say about the lack of evidence is true. However, string theory has mathematically been successful in explaining things like singularities and properties of black holes. Surely this carries some weight?"

Harry paused for a moment to think over what he was going to say. "Yes, I agree. But I still firmly believe that string theory is incredibly problematic. I feel that an effective way to explain my opinion is to echo that of Frank Wilczek, who suggests that string theorists approach physics analogously to a novel way of playing darts; firstly one throws the dart against a blank wall, and secondly one goes to the wall and draws a bullseye around where the dart landed."

Malfoy laughed, not in a scornful manner, but a laugh that suggested he conceded defeat. The debate was over. Malfoy and Harry respectfully shook hands and Harry patted Draco on the back. In a gesture of goodwill and friendship, Harry offered to buy Malfoy a drink at the bar, and since they were both of legal drinking age, Malfoy humbly accepted.

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_

 _I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned - Richard Feynman._


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - A Visitor to Hogwarts

 _Author's Note: Hello, friends! None of you have notified me of any typos in the last chapter, because I am confident enough in my own ability to proofread my work. I guess this just goes to show you don't need Biblical proverbs to write a cohesive story :) That is also why this chapter didn't take that long to write. I did not show anyone my work, nor did they say that I was improving, because I don't need other people's praise to validate my writing. Hope you all enjoy!_

The crowd applauded enthusiastically. They were very impressed with the quality of the debate and by Draco's gracious acceptance of defeat and his willingness to reconsider his position. The crowd converged around them, lead by Dean Thomas, Hermione and Ron. Hermione was first. She was smiling happily and dusting off her ripped jeans, when she reached Harry she offered him a firm, congratulatory handshake.

"That was very impressive." She said. "I was glad to see that you kept to the point and stuck to the fundamental principles of argument and counter-argument throughout the debate."

"Thank you." Harry smiled. "I was confident that my reasoning was superior in this case, but I tried to keep an open mind nonetheless."

"You're very good at that." Hermione nodded.

Harry was glad, he felt a little shy around Hermione sometimes, perhaps because he had such admiration for her independence and critical thinking skills. He could admit to feeling attracted to her - and he had considered asking her if she would like to enter into a mutually respectful romantic and/or sexual relationship with him - but he felt that now was not quite the time to broach the subject. Should she refuse him, Harry would of course be disappointed, but he wouldn't hold a grudge, pressure her in any way and complain about being a "nice guy" stuck in "friendzone" because ultimately he could not force her to be attracted to him.

Dean Thomas interrupted his train of thought by stepping forward and hugging him as well. Dean did not opt for a handshake because there was absolutely no reason that the gesture of a hug should be appropriate for expression of affection between a boy and a girl, but not a pair of same sex friends.

"Amazing job out there." He commented.

"Thank you." Harry said. He did not feel the need to attribute his debating skills to a higher power in an expression of mock humility because he had won the argument fair and square.

Dean Thomas understood that and nodded an acknowledgement at his friend.

"That was amazing." Ron said in turn. "I am full of admiration for the way in which you marshalled all those facts and set up such a clear line of reasoning, but I do not feel inadequate next to you because I know that I am perfectly capable of doing the same thing if I continue to cultivate my critical thinking skills and educate myself."

Harry, Dean and Hermione exchanged knowing looks, agreeing with this statement. Ron's family looked on, feeling pleased by their brother's very mature response to the situation.

However, before anyone could dwell to deeply on it, a car pulled up into the parking lot. It was a large Volkswagen SUV, a kind that had been widely criticised for producing excessive carbon emissions in the Volkswagen emissions scandal. Harry, Dean, Ron and Hermione surveyed it neutrally. They did not know what extenuating circumstances might have contributed to someone buying such an environmentally unfriendly vehicle, so they refrained from immediately judging the owner. A tall, pale man stepped out of the car. Harry, Ron, Dean and Hermione did not pay any attention to his clothing as it wasn't important.

Associate Professor McGonagall seemed to recognise him, because she stepped forward, standing tall and steady as the man approached. She stepped forwards, putting herself between them and the stranger.

Professor Dumbledore allowed her to do so. Many conservatives would of course find the notion of allowing a woman to directly confront a potential threat unthinkable, but Professor Dumbledore realised that Associate Professor McGonagall was a very capable woman, and just as well equipped to handle the situation as any man. He was also aware that the notion that a man must unconditionally sacrifice his safety for a woman, while the woman depends on him for protection has the potential to be harmful to both men and women, as it meant men would be burdened by an unfair amount of risk and women would be perceived as being less capable and more cowardly regardless of individual merit. (That sounds pretty oppressive to me.)

"Students," Associate Professor McGonagall said. "This is Mr Voldemort."

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_

 _Nothing is more dangerous than a dogmatic worldview - nothing more constraining, more blinding to innovation, more destructive of openness to novelty - Stephen Jay Gould._

 _I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves - Mary Wollstonecraft._


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 - Bravely defeating the foe!

 _Author's Note: Hello, friends! I have some news; and I know that it might be disappointing to the mommies out there. I had a very long think last night; and, since I am going back to university soon, I don't think I will be able to continue writing this story and posting it online. It was a hard decision for me to accept; but after all, I am the boss of my own life and I don't need a husband to tell me what to do. I want to thank all of the many people who have supported me in this little activity of mine; and I hope that this last chapter ties up the loose ends as best as one chapter can. (Thank you everyone who reviewed, especially mckydstarlight)._

Harry gasped; and Dean Thomas gasped too; and Hermione looked surprised but she didn't burst into tears; as Voldemort ambled through the parking lot. The enormous crowd of students were nervous; but they still stood boldly in the face of a potential end to their schooling. Dumbledore stood beside Associate Professor McGonagall, equals as they were.

Harry looked at the man walking toward them; and he thought of what his perspective might be, and was genuinely interested to hear what he had to say; of course, Harry would probably disagree with him, having already heard so much about his fundamentalist Christian beliefs, but it is important not to jump to conclusions; and he thought of how one day he would die; and how everyone would die someday when their body and mind simply ceased to function and that was the end.

Voldemort stopped walking when he was in front of the Professor Dumbledore and Associate Professor McGonagall. He arrogantly nodded and said, "I have come on an official visit to this school as part of my job as a politician. I believe this school is, unfortunately, in great need of an overhaul of its management."

"Yes Mr Voldemort," said Dumbledore respectfully. "Would you like me to take you on a tour of the school?"

Voldemort blinked stupidly; frowning distastefully at Dumbledore's attire. "No thank you," he said coldly, in a voice dripping with malice. "I have no desire to be shown around the school by a disgusting homosexual like yourself."

Associate Professor McGonagall gasped loudly and put her hand over her mouth but Professor Dumbledore smiled pleasantly. "By all means then, show yourself around. I will be in the library with the rest of my staff."

With that, Voldemort gave Dumbledore one last glance, grimaced, and clutching the cross that hung around his neck, brandishing a Bible, as though intending to use it to ward off fornicating drug-addicted evolutionist students, he strode into the school.

Harry and his friends watched him go with interest, wondering what would happen when he passed judgement on their school. Professor Dumbledore left for the library with the other staff members, leaving the students to continue with their leisure activities or to go to bed, as it was still the night of the debate and nearing midnight by now.

Harry and his friends decided to use their time to go to the library and research oxidative phosphorylation for the biology homework for Dr Sprout. They studied studiously for about an hour until a commotion interrupted their concentration.

Voldemort strode into the library, shaking with anger and slamming the door behind him. He walked up to Professor Dumbledore and placed a large, accusing finger on his chest. Dumbledore didn't react. "This school is far worse than I thought," Voldemort said extremely loudly. "Far worse! I will have to make a lot of changes to the way this school is run."

"I am interested to hear your suggestions Mr Voldemort, do continue," said Professor Dumbledore neutrally.

"Well firstly," shrieked Voldemort, "I will put a stop to the teaching of false theories such as evolution that is based on lies and-"

Voldemort was cut off by Dr Snape. "Actually Mr Voldemort, I think you will find that there is an enormous amount of evidence for the theory of evolution."

"THAT IS LIE" replied Voldemort, waving his hands around exorbitantly. "Also you are brainwashing children with propaganda like climate change. Look outside, it's cold and snowing! Obviously climate change is a hoax made by the Chinese," he raved.

"Also you don't teach the Bible here and you should because the Bible will tell you the truth about evolution. I will be installing school chaplains, scripture classes and any new students that want to come to this school will have extreme vetting. Girls will not be able to come to this school because in the Bible it says that a woman's place is in the home with the children. Also no abortions because that is murder."

"Now really, Mr Voldemort," began Associate Professor McGonagall wisely, "you probably don't have the supporters in Congress to pass these changes."

"No I do I have lots of followers! The biggest. Did you see all the people that turned out to hear me speak? It was the biggest ever! I won bigly!"

By now, Harry and his friends were finding it incredibly hard to concentrate on their homework with Voldemort's shrill voice echoing around the library. By now they had abandoned the homework and were listening to Voldemort as he ranted against their school.

Voldemort strode up to a shelf in the library and pulled a random book off the shelf. "See here Dumbledore," he proclaimed. "I will be checking everything you are teaching."

He examined the book he had chosen. It was a copy of _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ that had a creased spine and dog ears, indicating that it had been well read and a favorite of the students. Voldemort's eyes bulged in horror. "This is an outrage!" he yelled. "This book will turn children into witches. Luckily, I have brought along with me a suitable replacement." Voldemort ordered one of his staff to open a box they had been carrying around. From the box, Voldemort withdrew a thin blue book with golden writing on the front cover that read _Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles by proudhousewife. "_ This will be the new curriculum," he proclaimed and triumphantly pushed the book into Professor Dumbledore's hands. Dumbledore examined it carefully. He passed it on to Associate Professor McGonagall who frowned and handed it around to the rest of the staff members. "Well I can't say I've heard of this particular novel, Mr Voldemort, but I shall study it keenly and if it is suitable I will add it to our library," said Dumbledore thoughtfully.

Voldemort laughed a harsh, high pitched laugh and strode out of the library, but not before adding "This isn't the last you've seen of me Dumbledore!" and recoiling as an innocent student attempted to enter the library.

Harry and his friends were astonished at such temperamental behaviour. Cautiously they approached Professor Dumbledore and the rest of the teachers.

"Would you like one of these books to read?" offered Professor Dumbledore, smiling. "Mr Voldemort left quite a stash behind."

Harry accepted the book and thanked Professor Dumbledore. On the way back to their dormitories, Harry, Hermione, Ron and Dean met Luna and Malfoy, and filled them in on what had happened in the library at the common room. The mood was sombre and all the students were melancholy, fearing the worst that Voldemort would get their school shut down. In the heat of it all, they had almost forgotten about the book.

"What about that book that Voldemort had, Harry? Should we read that?" Ron said.

"I don't know." Harry looked around at his friends. "What do you think?"

Hermione frowned. "I think it is worth reading," she began slowly. "At least so that we can better understand Voldemort's point of view. I am wary that, considering Voldemort's attitudes, it may contain a lot of anti-feminist and prejudiced material, but it is important not to pass judgement without investigating the full story."

They all concurred with Hermione's reasonable statement, and sat around and behind Harry, who was holding the book for everyone to see. He opened to the first page and began to read:

 _Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Harry Potter who lived under the stairs in a house on Privet Drive with his aunt and uncle. He was a good, obedient boy who did all his chores; but he felt that there was something missing in his life. Something big and special; but he could not quite name it. He stayed up every night; and wished for this special something; but then one day, there was a knock at his door-and everything changed._

Further and further into the story they read, with Dean chortling occasionally and Hermione restraining herself when they read about the 'Feminists'.

At last they arrived at the final chapter. As they read Chapter 14, a change came across their faces, and realization dawned. When they had finished Harry closed the book carefully and looked at each of his friends. They all smiled.

"Do you think he realizes?" said Ron.

"That proudhousewife is not being serious?" questioned Dean.

"That it is all a joke?" enquired Luna.

"That the author is speaking her true opinion through the character of Voldemort?" asked Malfoy.

"That this is possibly the greatest piece of satire in all of literature?" exclaimed Hermione.

Harry laughed. "No I don't think he does," he admitted.

"Do you think we should tell him?" asked Ron.

"No," replied Harry, still smiling. "And even if we did, it is likely that he wouldn't believe us."

Harry looked at his friends and a great hope filled his heart. For even in times of great despair, there was still hope. And Harry knew that, if they tried hard enough through logical reasoning and promotion of tolerance and equal rights and liberties for all people, they could change the world.

 _Author's note - Live long and prosper!_

 _It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that' as if it gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning, it has no purpose, it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I'm_ offended _by that'. Well, so fucking what? - Stephen Fry._

 _I must find a truth that is true for me - Soren Kierkegaard._


End file.
